this weekend

so friday night i staied home and chilled out with quincy... saturday i got up at seven and went to my grannys house and we had to strip a pharmace floor... then i went home and took a nap and then got ready to go out with friends... had a good time till robert wanted to fight wood over something that was stupid... i dont get men... they are so territorial about things.... i guess u get that in small towns... but damm it we had a good time anyways.... i can say that im a truely happy today....

Christmas

So I have almost everythign bought, all i need to get isQuincy some batman slippers to go with his house coat i got him... He didn't ask for much this year.. he wanted a "real" bat, goosebump movie, christmas movie and christmas book... I think i hav done very well i got everything but the REAL bat... lol

WOOD

so i think i've come to the realization that we can't even be friends... he doesn't even want to try at being friends.. he never wants to hang out with me alone... it drives me nuts.. i feel like i'm the only one workin in the damm friendship and he isn't doing anything... i told him that and he had nothing to say to that... i'm done... seriously done trying to prove myself to people... i want to be fuckin happy i don't want to make other people happy if it make me miserable....

The weekend

I know its not up yet but its Sunday morning at 5 am and i just got home.. I had a blast this weekend... i watched my niece friday night and tonight i went out with Joey and Colette... then i went to a Chases house and hung out with him.... my grandparents just got Quincy's chirstmas pictures taken so thats nice. anywho i'm tired and i'm hittin the sack.... peace

BLAH

SO MY FRIENDSHIP WITH WOOD HAS BEEN GOING PRETTY WELL.... WE ARE HANGING OUT THIS NEXT WEEKEND AND WE ARE BOTH GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER JUST AS FRIENDS... I KNOW THAT IF THIS DOESN'T GO ANY FURTHER THAN FRIENDSHIP THATS FINE WITH BOTH PF US.. I PERSONALLY THINK THAT IF HE LET IT WE WOULD BE GREAT FOR EACH OTHER BUT HE IS STILLL WORKING THREW HIS ISSUES....

Evening with friends

so i went over to my friend amy's house tonight and Wood and Joey came over. all the boys were there also and they had fun picking on Wood and Joey.. since Wood and i have decided to just be friends we really haven't hing out because of him not being able to trust himself around me but we had a good time tonight. I felt like i was Nikki again.. I wasn't someone i was trying to be to impress someone. I had a freat time without alcohol and thats the best part. Don't get me wrong i like to have a drink but i'm sick of having it there everytime i do something. now this coming weekend is going to be crazy.. Wood and i are going to play some guitor heroe becuase i was instructed by Jim that i needed to practice becaouse i suck... and then saturday Amy is throwing a christmas party and that should be fun. I'm not sure if Woods coming or not. I would like him to be there but there is this issue with his EX being there and if he isn't comfoertable around her i don't want him to put himself in the position that he would feel weird.. anywho i had a great time tonight and so did my son and thats all that matters... it nice to have places to go when i need to get away from the rents...

Still finding myself.....

so i went to take my entrence exam to get see what classes i needed to take for math and reading.... i totaly suck when it comes to algebra... its like it all went out the window once i graduated.... but my reading score was pretty damm good... so anywho i'm going to go back to school and i'm thinking about going to ICC for either nursing or OTA... i'm really nervous but i know i can do it and i plan on moving up to peoria in the next year with my son which will be hard because we haven't lived anywhere but with my parents but its a good move for us...
so i have come to realize that i'm happy with my life.. there are always going to be up and down areas but i'm happy right now with everything... i love christmas it is one of my fav holidays... i also learned that i'm a forgiving person... i can't hold a grudge and i'm really too nice to people who don't deserve it but i can't help it its me and i can't change who i am for someone...

TWILIGHT THE MOVIE

IT TOTALLY SUCKED... IF YOU READ THE BOOK DON'T GO SEE THE MOVIE.... I LOVE THE BOOK BUT NOT THE MOVIE... WAS REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN IT... THEY NEEDED TO GET INTO THE CHARITERS MORE THAN WORRYING ABOUT HURRY THREW THEM... I WAS REALLY DISAPPOINTED.... NOT SURE IF I'LL GO SEE NEW MOON WHEN THAT MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE...

TWILIGHT

so i just got done reading the book twilight and it was awesome.. can't wait to read new moon and the rest... i'm going to go see the movie wednesday night with my cuz Caity so that should eb fun she has already seen it twice but she wants to see it again... hehe... if you read the book let me know what you thought...

ever feel like your always put second??

I hate that I can let some man make me feel like i'm nothing.. I hate to always when i'm down my girlfriends to tell me that they are the ones that love or my son to give to try and make me feel better. I just wish for once that someone besides my friends and family would want to tell me that they love me or just want to be with me. I'm sick of saying when he comes around i'll know it. I flippin sick of waiting around for someone and when i try to be with the person i like its seems like he always has an excuse. o he just wants to be friends one day then well lets hang out then i feel bad i took advantage of you lets just be friends. I know i let this happen to myself but i just feel lost. I just want to get away. I don't want to feel like i need to drink because i'm in a bad mood or because someone pissed me off lets drink or i'm bored theres nothing else to do and everyone else is busy lets drink. I was asked tonight if i know what the meaning of life was and you know what i really couldn't come up with anything. I got afive year old and he is my life but what happens when he grows up and i'm left alone.. what then?? i guess i'm just sick of feeling misreable all the time because thats how i feel most days. I put up a good front but some days it just crumbles and i don't know what to do. I sick of worrying about loosing my car, or a fmaily memeber or trying to be something i'm not around family. I just want to be me and i want someone to realize i'm not perfect and i will fail. I don't want to grow old and my son be the only joy in my life. i want more damm it and it just seems like i;m not ment to have it...

HELPING....

SO I'M THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO LIKES TO HELP PEOPLE WHEN THEY NEED IT... YOU KNOW LEND A HELPING HAND OR JUST LET THEM TALK WHEN THEY NEED TO AND NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO THEM.. BUT NOW I HAVE COME ACROSS SOMEONE THAT I'M SURE WANTS HELP BUT HE WONT LET ME HELP HIM... WELL HE DOES TO A POINT THEN HE GETS PISSY ABOUT IT.. I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM HURT HIMSELF IN THE PROCESS BUT I SEE IT HAPPENING NOW... HE IS A GOOD GUY BUT HE IS JUST LOST RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO... ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS???

WOOD

SO I KNOW I WAS TALKING ABOUT WOOD AND HOW I WAS FALLING FOR HIM... BUT ITS NOT GOING THAT WAY... I GUESS WHICH IS KINDA NICE BECAUSE IF I'M GOING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL I DON'T THINK I HAVE TIME TO REALLY WORK ON A RELATIONSHIP SO ITS NICE TO JUST HAVE HIM AS A FRIEND.. I NEED ONE THAT DOESN'T KNOW MY WHOLE HISTORY AND ONLY LIKES ME FOR ME AND NOT MY PAST.. SO ANYWHO AMY IS HAVING A PARTY THIS FRIDAY AND HE IS COMING BUT ALSO HIS EX IS COMING WELL I THINK SHE IS COMING SO IT SHOULD BE AN INTERESTING NIGHT... I DON'T THINK HE WILL STAY BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO JUST HANG OUT LIKEN WE DID LAST WEEKEND... WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS...

NEW FRIENDS

SO LAST NIGHT I WENT OVER TO MY FRIENDS AMY'S HOUSE TO HANG OUT AND WATCH MOVIES AND WOOD CAME OVER AND WE ALL HAD A GOOD TIME. HE IS SO SWEET AND CUTE... HE WAS PLAYING WITH THE KIDS AND THE HANGING OUT WITH US. I'M GREATFUL THOUGHT BECAUSE HE CAME OVER EVEN THOUGHT HE WAS SICK AND HE DIDN'T COMPLAIN OR ANYTHING AND THEN HE APPOLOGIZED FOR LEAVING SO EARLY.. I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM BUT SOME FRIENDS THINK I'M FALLING FOR HIM AND I THINK I AM BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO FALL TO HARD.. HE IS A GREAT GUY AND I'M JUST GLAD I HAVE HIM AS A FRIEND.... SO THE FIRST PIC IS OF WOOD PLAYING COPS WITH THE BOYS AND THE SECOND ONE IS OF HIM TEACHING THE BOYS ABOUT PINK FLOYD AND HOW THEY WILL UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT IT WHEN THEY GET INTO HIGH SCHOOL... IT WAS CUTE...

SO.....

SO I HAVE BEEN TALKIN TO THIS GUY THAT I REALLY LIKE AND HE INFORMS ME THAT HE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS. I'M OK WITH THAT AND WE DO GET ALONG ANG WE TALK ALMOST EVERYDAY WHICH IS GREAT. I JUST WOULD LIKE TO MEET SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. I'M GOING TO WAIT HIM OUT THOUGH OR AT LEAST UNTIL I'M SURE FRIENDSHIP IS ALL THAT HE WANTS. SEE I'M NOT FOR SURE THAT HE ONLY WANTS FRIENDSHIP. I THINK THAT HE WILL WANT SOMETHING MORE AFTER HE GETS THREW WHAT HE NEEDS TO IN HIS LIFE. YOU KNOW HE IS GREAT WITH MY SON WHICH IS A PLUS IN MY BOOK AND HE LOVES KIDS. SO THATS ANOTHER PLUS... LOL.. OK I'M BLABBING NOW... TALK TO YOU ALL LATER...

STUFF THAT I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT....

WELL MY LIFE HAS BEEN KINDA CRAZY THE LAST TWO YEARS. LET SEE MY MOTHER HAS BEEN SICK FOR THE LAST YEAR AND A HALF, MY DAD WAS SICK THIS PAST SUMMER AND THE DOCTORS THOUGHT HE HAD CANCER, MY SON BROKE HIS WRIST AND I AM GOING BACK TO SCHOOL ONCE AGAIN. I HOPE THAT I CAN FINISH. I KNOW I NEED TO FOR MY SON, MY FAMILY AND ME. I'M READY TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND I DONT THINK THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE IF I DON'T HAVE A CAREER TO FALL BACK ON. I STILL NOT SURE WHAT I WANT TO DO BUT I'M GOING TO GO TO LPN SCHOOL AND THEN MAYBE RN SCHOOL OR EVEN GO FOR MY PRACTICAL NURSE LINCENS.